Unimaginable

"They did not know Joseph understood them, since he spoke with them through an interpreter. He turned away from them and wept; then he returned and spoke to them."

(Genesis 42:23-24)

Grudges are such heavy burdens to bear. We humans seem hell-bent to hold on to past hurts. We've all been wounded. We've all had others wrong us... betray us... belittle us... dismiss us. For many of these, we've been able to move on. To let go of the pain and sadness (and anger) and get back to living life. But sometimes, try as we might, we just can't. Such is the case with Joseph.

His story in Genesis is epic! Betrayed by his jealous brothers, Joseph is sold into slavery (without his father's knowledge). In Egypt, he ascends the ranks of his new master's house, only to be (falsely) accused of sexual assault and imprisoned... where he's left for years! Eventually his talent for dream interpretation springs him from jail, and he gets a job with the Pharaoh. God blesses him and he becomes 2nd in command. Amazing!

But Joseph can't let go of the hurt & betrayal by his brothers. So when they eventually journey to Egypt for food and find themselves (unknowingly) back in their little brother's presence, we discover that Joseph is still nursing that pain. He accuses them of being spies (they're not)... throws his 10 brothers in prison for 3 days... and then holds one of them as "collateral" until the others return with their youngest brother. It's clear he's playing games of psychological warfare with them, because they've hurt him so.

But then something remarkable happens. They say to each other that they know they're getting what they deserve now, because of what they did years ago to their other brother. Joseph has been speaking through an Egyptian interpreter, so they have no idea he understands what they're saying to each other. But he does. And it begins to melt his hard heart. When they eventually come back, he reveals himself immediately and offers genuine forgiveness. A gift almost unimaginable.

I was struck this morning by that moment of weeping by Joseph. He'd been hurt. He'd carried that pain for years (decades?). It may have even fueled his drive to persevere and never give up. But it ultimately wasn't healthy. God knew that. And God let him break wide open so true healing could come.

Where is my heart hard, O God?

Break me open and soften my heart so I might be made whole again.

Help me accept that unimaginable gift of grace... for myself & others.

AMEN.